While we were preparing for Ethan's recital this week, we remembered to charge the video camera battery. What we did NOT remember was to make sure we had a blank tape (yes tape, we have not upgraded from the free recorder we were so graciously given when our first son was born). Both my husband and myself were sure we had a few tapes.. turns out we had NONE..and we discovered this as we were heading out the door. Dumb, dumb, dumb...
So, as we are driving to the recital, I am quickly trying to play through a few tapes that appear to only be half full - turns out they were just not rewound (? is that a word??). Granted, Lucas was screaming his head off because this was now his 5th trip to the theatre (remember he still HATES his car seat) so concentrating on this project was tough. Long story short, we didn't have any tapes or at least none that I found that had enough room to record the recital. Major bummer, totally failed parenting moment.
I did, however, quickly hit memory lane with visions of memories I had not seen in almost 4 years. I could not wait to watch through them. We put in one of my favorite videos tonight. It was a beautiful capture of the months 13-18 of Ethan's life. Moments of first words, playing 'chase' and him entertaining us on a return of a very long trip up-north. It seems so long ago...
I can't believe that same boy that couldn't hardly express himself with words is now the same 4 year-old that I have conversations with on a daily basis. The same boy who surprised someone the other day when they asked me if he was caught up on immunizations and he said "I was supposed to get 5 shots, but I only had to get 3." (they couldn't believe he knew what that word meant). It was the same boy who finished his last day of preschool on Friday...
It's been an emotional roller coaster for me this week. I had assumed that Ethan's last day of preschool/daycare would bring an awesome sense of joy or relief - depending on how you looked at it - that I no longer would rely on someone else to raise my child, he would now stay home with me. But, despite that relief, I admittedly had some moments of sadness. Sad it was my last day of truly 'alone' time with Lucas. Sad Ethan may not see some of those friends again. Sad he didn't realize yet he may not see some of those friends. Sad at the thought he will cry next week when he asks to go see those friends. And sad at the thought that my baby is now one step closer to BIG BOY SCHOOL - that place where peer pressure kicks in, where he has to make decisions based upong the values we teach him and where his individuality become essential to his success in life.
Watching that video tonight was the breaking point. I decided right then and there I didn't want him to grow up and more - not yet. I told him he had to stay 4 for a few years, until mama was ready. I cried because I was so excited we decided to have another child (after many years debating it) because I will get to go through that exciting time of learning and discovery again.
Videos are awesome. Pictures are great, but videos are awesome because you can hear them talk, coo, cry..and you are instantly taken back to that place. So, if you haven't taken many home videos I encourage you to get them started before you miss out on too much. Because, one day, you will be ever greatful you have those moments to watch over and over and over. They won't be little forever..
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