My husband and I have never been ones to participate in much PDA (Public Displays of Affection). In fact, John's best man even laughed at our wedding saying he was pretty sure that was the first time he and his wife had ever seen us kiss - we had been together almost 5 years.
Do we love each other, absolutely and unconditionally. But, we are not ones that like to draw attention to ourselves and public affection usually does just that.
My husband gives me a kiss everyday before he leaves for work, but the kids aren't up yet so they don't see this. We kiss each other every night before we go to sleep, but again.. no kids to witness. And of course, we enjoy each other's company - but always after the kids are in bed or we are alone (which with the newest addition to the family, never).
One day I gave Ethan a kiss and decided to plant one on my husband too. Ethan, apparently shocked by this, said "Where are you going mommy?" It was 8:30 and I was in my pj's..
I said "Nowhere, why?" Ethan replies, "Because you kissed daddy."
Silence. I'm speechless, heartbroken and disappointed. Here I was so used to being a "closet lover" with my husband that it never even occurred to me that my children never got to witness our love for each other in the physical sense. Of course, some things certainly need to remain behind closed doors, but the fact that it was odd for my son to see me kiss my husband was devastating to me.
So, I've made a decision. I want them to know how much their mommy and daddy love them and how a husband and wife should treat each other. Lord knows they see enough of how not to treat each other thanks to media everywhere. It's something neither of us got to witness at home and it is very important to me that my children know they are being raised in a loving home with parents who love each other as much as we love them.
So, it's official - there MUST be more kissing, more hugs and more "I Love You's" - in FRONT OF THE KIDS. Oh, darn :)
3 comments:
Jess,
Great reflection. My wife and I decided that our emotional reactions and actions should be obvious to the children, and as such make a big deal out of our love for them and each other.
The biggest and most overarching message however, is one big happy family, hugging and kissing each other. It has really created a level of "emotion" from the children.
That is so awesome... your new goal that is. Kids really need that. I was reading a book that basically said the foundation of kids good behavior is rooted in their knowledge that mom and dad are in love. With that settled, everything else can build. When they can't see that, everything else is unstable. So good!
:)
That's so true. I don't have kids, but I think it's very important for children to see the correct way to show love to your spouse. They see it, and they remember it, now matter how young they are. Good for you for noticing it and taking action.
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