Nothing But Grace

Every week I read Mama Kat's Writing Prompts and every once in awhile a prompt stands out to me. This week she had several Thanksgiving-themed topics and then one off-the-wall one: Describe a time you fell down. Now, I realize this might seem like a boring topic to most people. You might even struggle to think of the last time you fell down. Not I. No, my mind instantly went down memory lane as if it was in a bobsled going 100 miles an hour trying to decide WHICH time I fell down I should write about. Maybe the time I fell up the stairs? Nah. Maybe that time I slipped and fell underneath the truck? Nah...And then I remembered THAT time.

It was almost 8 years ago this winter. We were living in our first home, in what I'll call a so-so neighborhood. (It wasn't until after we moved out I realized half of the registered sex offenders of the city lived within a 5 mile radius of me..). My husband rode snowmobiles and he was on one of his trips. I had decided to go to church that Sunday myself. It had snowed the night before, but nothing too out of the ordinary.

I felt like dressing up, so I decided to go with a skirt on this cold, wintery day. I put on my long dress coat, grabbed my bible and purse and stepped outside. I remember being excited the car wasn't covered in that much snow so I wouldn't have to brush it off. Little did I know that's because it was covered in ICE instead.

I came down off our front porch and walked across the lawn, noticing a slight "crunch" to the grass. I concluded it must be colder than I thought and it was just frozen.

Now, before I continue, you have to envision our driveway. We had a one car garage, but it was small and it was filled with everything that didn't fit into our small house. The driveway wasn't quite a 45 degree angle but it could easily be used as a sledding hill - you know, if you didn't mind hitting the garage at the bottom. Here's a picture to give you an idea. (Can you see the slope of the driveway?)

You now understand why the fact the driveway was a sheet of ice was not good for my situation. By not good, I mean the high heels I chose to wear with my skirt didn't fair well on the ice. And when I say they didn't fair well, I mean I went flying into the air and then promptly slid down to the bottom of the driveway. Pretty sure the neighbors saw the color of my underwear that day since my skirt and coat were both closer to my head then my "tail". The Bible had went flying, my purse was scattered throughout the snow and I was now soaking wet from the ice and had scrapes on my arms and legs. Nice, I thought.

I decided I would get up and try to pretend it didn't happen praying no one saw me. Only one small problem. When I tried to stand up, I slipped again. And again. And...again. Yes I'm serious! So, I thought I'd take my shoes off (don't ask me why I thought nylons would be less slippery than my shoes...). I guess I figured I was gonna be some sort of monkey and grab onto the ice with my toes?? But, that didn't work either (duh). I slipped again. Keep in mind, when I say I slipped I mean I fell on my face... hard. I finally resorted to crawling. But I wasn't having much luck with that since I was now laughing my butt off at just how ridiculously drunk I must look to the neighbors and if they only knew I was trying to go to church! I remember thinking how I couldn't wait to tell my husband, he was never gonna believe this story.

I got creative and grabbed onto ice chunks as if they were the saving rocks on the side of a mountain and got close enough to the edge of the driveway to get a knee on the grass. I then stuck my toes into the ground and dug them in with all my strength to pull my other leg over and get my entire body out of the driveway. I can only imagine how graceful this must have looked.

I stood up, picked up my Bible and went back into the house. I decided to stay home that day. I figured the car wasn't going to drive up that stupid hill anyways. My clothes were soaked. I had cuts on my knees as if I was 5, and now I was exhausted.

And the funniest part about this story? Is that this stuff happens to me all.the.time. I'm a clutz. Can any of you relate? Share your story! If you want to join Mama Kat's Writing Prompt, click here.